Tumor Humor (It's Only a Rumor)

I knew that doctor had a fine sense of humor
We'd laughed and laughed; we'd almost forgotten
What he first diagnosed as a cancerous tumor
Turned out to be potatoes au gratten

He's a girl, that's a fact
It's known I've got no tact
But given the right occasion
I'm an absolute sensation

Nurse, oh nurse, prepare a bandana
Miss is sitting down, reading the latest journal
Call the hospital, tell them I'm in
Prepare my first patient and let me begin.

You've got cancer, you got the crabs
Here, lookit this slide
It was prepared right there in my outer labs.
Now you've got no legs
I extracted your eggs
What's that, I've gone too far?
My dear, I happen to love caviar.
Nose bleeds don't impress me.

Slap me five, with a scalpel
It's too late, we've got no choice
Gotta separate you from your apple
Hope you didn't like the old voice.
Now, two weeks in bed to recover
Did I ever tell you, you've got no real mother?

©1973 Tom Young

"Artificial Photograph" :

©1973 Tom Hosier

View of World Trade Center

the south wall of the room
where i camp out in new york
is four windows
fourteen feet high

look down broadway
past union square
at two towers

a giraffe on top of one
lays new floors on
all day

at night the left tower twinkles
like Krazy Kat

right tower smiles like a
dog

is this light show
art work
by media museum?

©1973 David Zack

Ti Yi Rehash

I've just read the tall tale of a horrid doctor
He cut with his knife
and severed a life
The physicians incision was a revolting decision.

He cared not for his ancient patient
He tricked his heart and then he fart!
Narrowly avoiding backseat tedium
Him bleed 'um by brainboil feet
in football beat.

He stalk up slowly He got ono-cycle
Deft as madman cripple shooter
The sun shines brightly on restaurant bars
The doctor is not sick,
He's WORKING on it.

©1973 Al Greenier

Drawings (from "Hemorrhoid Comics") :

©1973 Paul Henry Gervais

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UPDATED: MAR 2007